Home is Where the Heart Is!

It's hard to believe that February will mark six years that I have been living and working in the Dallas area! I initially came here to do an internship (at Central Dallas with Janet), but I really didn't come with the intention of settling down and being here six years later. But...here I am! At times I still wonder...is Dallas it? Is this where I want to be? Where else could I go? What else could I do? I toy with different ideas and possibilities from time to time, but for some reason, the idea of packing up and starting over somewhere else doesn't appeal to me at age 29 like it did at age 19. Therefore, the years continue to slip by and without even realizing it, Dallas becomes more like home. One of the only regrets I have about being here is the distance from all my family out in West Texas. For that reason (and sometimes when I'm screaming my head off in the car from road rage in the Dallas traffic) I sometimes consider heading back closer to home ( like Lubbock) but the time has just never seemed right to do so. Now that I'm starting to get more focus on my purpose here, such as with the possibilities with the girls' program, I'm definitely not considering going anywhere soon, or at least not in the next year or two (although I will not completely rule out Colorado or Lubbock in the future!)

Recently, I heard of what I thought sounded like a fabulous opportunity for teachers to buy homes at a 50percent discount. Further research showed that there is indeed a HUD program called the Teacher Next Door Program that does this. Buying and owning a house always seemed so...grown up. Definitely not something that had ever appealed to me. I was just fine in my apartments that came equipped with all the necessary appliances and where I could just pick up a phone and call if anything needed repaired at no cost, hassle, or concern to me. I don't have time to worry about yards or roofs or siding or plumbing or any of that junk. BUT the idea of owning a home and paying a mortgage payment that is half the cost of rent for an apartment did capture my attention. Further investigation told me that though the Teacher Next Door program is a valid program, it is very difficult to get into a house and the houses aren't always the most desirable homes. But I did find out that I could still purchase other HUD homes, or even just regular homes, very inexpensively right now. Suddenly it seemed to make a lot of sense to invest in a home, pay less for a mortgage than rent, yet get more space and privacy...and make smarter use of my finances while I was at it. Since I'm not looking to leave Dallas in the immediate future, that did not pose a conflict to this idea. Thus, my quest to become a homeowner has begun.

However, it hasn't been an easy search so far. It is complicated by the fact that I have no idea where I want to live. As many of you know, when I first began working full-time for Central Dallas, I moved to South Dallas to be a part of the community in which I worked. I lived there for three years and it was one of the important experiences I have had in Dallas. Most people, white or black, can't seem to fathom why I chose to live there. Our world has such a hard time accepting people who aren't in their appropriate "box." We are so stuck on where certain people "belong" and what neighborhoods are for what kind of people. According to all of our society's unspoken rules, I didn't belong in South Dallas. I was crazy for being there. Yet many of the things that people claim they want in an ideal neighborhood (sense of community, neighbors looking out for each other, etc) was at the heart of where I lived. (By the way, my friend Janet wrote her dissertation about this....ask her if you can read it sometime!) When I began working at Central Dallas, I was very conscious of the fact that my background was very different from the people around me. My experiences, my struggles, my knowledge were based in a very different world. I understood that my history and the values that were passed to me shaped my world view in very different way. I also noticed an immediate distrust toward me from the people I met. It wasn't rude or hateful...just a subtle skepticism. Rather than be offended by this distrust, I sought to understand its roots. In more impoverished and underserved areas like South Dallas, it is common for white people to descend from their comfortable suburban bubbles for a day or two, do their charitable deeds, and return home at the end of the day to their safe havens, miles away from the uncomfortable situations they witnessed. They come with their own agendas, their own answers, and their own solutions to the problems they think exist...yet rarely take the time to really get to know the people and the communities they come to "serve." They have the comfort of leaving it all behind...out of sight, out of mind at the end of the day or the end of their project. However, I wasn't comfortable with that. I'm not comfortable with the way our world is segregated into communities based on color. I believe that in God's kingdom, we will all sit around the table together...and since we are supposed to be about emulating God's kingdom here on earth, then we need to start being around each other. I wanted to understand the culture in which I worked. I wanted to understand the struggles and the lives of the kids and families I saw every day. I wanted to work side by side in making South Dallas a better place for all of us because it was all of our community. I wanted to go the post office and the grocery store and see faces I knew. I wanted to drive the street and wave at kids I had seen earlier that day at school. How could I learn how to be a part of making South Dallas a better place if I didn't even understand its history or its challenges or its people? The best way for me to do that was to make it my home too. By making it my home and not just somewhere I worked, I gained a much deeper insight and understanding into the world around me that shaped what I did every day. I built relationships and genuine friendships and gained a sense of solidarity that I believe is what this whole community-building work is really about anyway. I found that although I came from a very different place, we're really not that different after all. We all want the same things, dream the same dreams for ourselves and those we love. I made some of the most improbable, yet most meaningful friendships of my life here. I've had some of the most wonderful and generous people I've ever met as neighbors. Living in the community allowed me to see it for all its positive qualities and not just the negative stereotypes with which it is often labeled. It was one of the most rewarding times I've had in Dallas.

However, about two years ago, my apartment started getting broken into. I was broken into three times in a month's time, and the last time, I was actually inside asleep when they entered. I didn't even know until the next morning when I woke up. Of course, this caused great concern for my family and others who cared about me and I was urged to move. To this day, I still feel I would have stayed, but I gave in to those voices around me that were adamant about me moving to another area. I moved to a quiet apartment complex in North Oak Cliff, not far from downtown, where two years later I have yet to know a single neighbor's name. Yes, I enjoy the quietness at times, but I miss the sense of community and even family that I had in my old neighborhood. Living in a "nice" or "safe" area just because that is where I am supposed to want to live has never motivated me, although I enjoy feeling safe, don't get me wrong. But its just that I am very aware of my motivations and reasons for choosing where I live.

And thus my dilemma as I search for a home to buy. Most of the homes that meet my specifications as far as quality and cost are located in Duncnville, DeSoto, Lancaster, Balch Springs, Cedar Hill....suburbs that are at least 20-25 minutes from where I work and areas to which I have absolutely no other attachment. I just can't get enthused about that. Yet I don't have many options when it comes to the area closer to where I live and work...and I do understand people's concerns about safety and break-ins because that is a reality of urban living (not just limited to South Dallas though!!!).

So I'm a little stumped on the relocation issue right now. I don't want to make a commitment of this magnitude without feeling 100% great about it...location-wise, quality-wise, and price-wise. That's a difficult combination to come up with! I do have a few months (until June) to make a decision, so I will be diligently searching until then. I'll keep you posted!