Something that Matters

I feel like I'm having the proverbial midlife-crisis. Only I've been having it for about 6 or 7 years now. Maybe longer. It may have started back when I was about 17 or 18 and people began asking me what I wanted to do with my life. It seems like I've never known without a shadow of a doubt what it is that I want to do or what I'm even good at doing. All I've ever known is that whatever I do, I want it to matter. I want to make a difference, somehow, someway. There was a period of time here in Dallas that I thought I was really starting to solidify in my mind how I was going to do that, but in recent months (or maybe recent years) I've kind of been struggling. I've been struggling to figure out what it is that I care most about, what I'm most passionate about. I've been struggling to identify what I'm good at, what my strengths are. Basically, I've just been struggling to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing on this earth. For almost a decade, I've been involved in education in some form or fashion, yet it seems like I've never quite found my "niche". To be honest, I've never really felt like I'm a "good" teacher when it comes right down to it. Teaching is an art form. It takes a real talent and I am being very honest when I admit that I don't really have it. I don't have the patience nor the creativity to be a really, really good teacher. Although my move into the library has allowed me the time and freedom to pursue some other things, I can definitely say that this job does not inspire any passion in me whatsoever. Looking back over the past several years, I think the most fulfulling job I had was during my time at the after school program. That was a time when I felt excited about my job, excited about what we were doing. Yet the world of nonprofit can be very unstable and very frustrating. And although making huge amounts of money has never been a priority for me, I do want to be able to make a salary that I can support myself comfortably on and not have to watch every penny every minute of every day. So where does that leave me?? It leaves me looking around the world I live in...seeing sweet girls I taught in sixth grade just 3 or 4 years ago having babies. Seeing boys that were just drawing me cartoon pictures and playing basketball with me on the blacktop dropping out of school and walking around with probation bracelets on their ankles. Tutoring kids who are in 5th grade and still don't know that two nickels make a dime (true story from yesterday). It leaves me working in a district where we put more time into creating an illusion that we are working for kids than we do actually working for kids. All of this disturbs me, but what do I do? What can I do? I'm stumped! I don't know what to do!! I don't know that I can make a meaningful difference in all this by teaching...I'm not sure I have that gift. I definitely don't know that I can make a meaningful difference by being a librarian....I feel more squelched than I ever have in my life right now...just checking off days, passing time right now. I'm about to finish up my second master's degree...I will have three degrees, none of which excite me or are really useful to me in getting me any closer to do something that I will feel inspired about doing. Every day...every night...my mind is constantly turning...searching....mulling...asking "What am I supposed to be doing? Where is my niche? Where is the place that I can really make a real, tangible difference? Where is the place that I can do something that really matters, that I can really be proud of when I look back over my life?"

Every now and then you meet people who are just confident about their career choices. They know with certainty what their life's mission is and they pursue it single-mindedly. I want that certainty! I want to know for certain that I am doing the thing I was born to do. That way I can stop spending all this time searching and put that energy into making the difference that I seek. But nothing has ever felt just quite right...is it me? Or is it that I truly haven't quite discovered my purpose? I mean, I do know what my purpose is...all Christians know what the purpose is. I guess I just need to know my particular avenue, my unique means to that end.

I know we can all make a difference right where we are at. I get that. I'm thankful for my jobs and the opportunities that I do have. But we only get to live this life one time. We only get a short period of time here....I want to love what I'm doing every day while I'm here. I want every day here to really, really matter. I don't just want to fill a space, but to make an impact! I don't just want to be busy...I want the busy-ness to be building something! I don't want just to live, but to be alive! People who know their purpose come alive. I'm just existing right now.

So yeah, I'm having a crisis. As usual. I know this is nothing anyone can help me with except by prayer. But I do pray that I come to know and understand what my strengths and gifts are and to know the specific purpose I was put on this earth and the best way and the best place to live all of that out...so that whenever I do leave this earth, it mattered. Is that too much to ask??

Forgiveness

At church on Sunday, the sermon was centered around the story of Philemon. To be honest, this is not a book in the Bible that I remember studying much or hearing much about, but last weekend I received a hearty meal from this book that I am still chewing on and digesting! It is a story that illustrates the grace that has been given to us by Christ (through the way that Paul was willing to take the debt for Onesimus' sin) and at the same time teaches us about the necessity of forgiveness. It is also is a testimony to the amazing way that God works things together for good. There were so many "aha!" moments and nuggets to process within these few short verses and so many things that I learned that I won't take time to go into, but I do want to share a few thoughts on this elusive, but life changing thing called forgiveness.

Relationships with people are difficult. People can really hurt us, wrong us, mistreat us, do us dirty. Sometimes we dwell so much on the flaws and shortcomings and sins of the difficult people in our lives and we think only of what they should do or change or what they owe us to make their wrong right. However, what I saw in this lesson about Philemon today was how God works through that to give us an opportunity to look within and grow ourselves, change ourselves. How crazy was it that Onesimus ended up in prison in Rome with Paul of all people...Paul who just happened to know his master Philemon? God worked it out so that not only did Onesimus have the chance to be forgiven and become a Christian, but at the same time he worked it out to give Philemon the opportunity to grow his character and demonstrate the same forgiveness and grace that had been given to him. There was a "reason for the season" in the time that Onesimus ran away from Philemon. Yes, he did wrong, but God picked up the mess and worked it for good to not only give Onesimus the opportunity to be saved but to give Philemon an opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness and grace on a whole new level. Every time someone in our life wrongs us or mistreats us...we have a choice. We can either get angry, hurt, upset, vindictive....or we can look within ourselves and ask...what am I supposed to learn about myself through this situation...what area of my own character can I develop through this situation...how can I show the same grace, forgiveness, and unmerited favor that has been shown to me? Forgiveness is such a beautiful, powerful thing....it just amazes me more the older I get and the more life I experience. We can't change people. We can't change the things that happen to us. We can't stop people from hurting us, disappointing us, or doing us wrong. But we can change how we respond to it. We can change whether we allow other people's issues to hold us back from growing our own character. Unforgiveness can be such a stronghold in people's lives...a cancer. I've seen it. We can allow the wrong that someone else did to give birth to wrong in our own hearts and lives. We can allow it to change us from being "full of love and faithfulness" (as Paul noted Philemon for) to someone else that's bitter or grudge-holding...but we have to remember that's not who we are....not really. It was like Paul started off his letter to Philemon with some gentle affirmations to remind him that he was a loving and faithful person...it's like he was reminding him that it's not "him" to be unforgiving or vindictive...and to not let his anger or disappointment toward Onesimus take that away from him. I'm reminded of a couple of quotes that I've heard before that have stayed with me. The first one is "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you." Another one is "Unforgiveness is like allowing someone who has hurt you to live rent-free in your mind." The more I think about it, I think almost everything that happens in life comes back to this theme of forgiveness....of forgiving others so that we might be forgiven, and also that we might grow more into who we are meant to be. The preacher asked how many of us could afford not to be forgiven. No hands went up. Then he asked how many of us then could afford not to forgive others. Though a simple question, it was a profound and powerful moment. Whatever measure we use with others will be used on us....and goodness knows, I need forgiveness and a lot of it. So who am I not to extend the same grace to others, no matter what they have done or how deep the hurt?

I read such an amazing story in People magazine earlier this month. There was a woman whose teenage son was murdered by another young man in the midst of some kind of dispute. The young man was soon convicted and sentenced to quite a lengthy time in prison. But the grieving mother reached out to the young man who had killed her only son in prison with forgiveness and over time, the two ended up building a very special relationship. Now many years have gone by and the man has been released from prison, but he lives with the woman and has become like an adopted son to her. I was just amazed by that story. Now that is forgiveness and grace.

On that note, I encourage you to take a fresh look at the book of Philemon. It is such a short book that it may often be overlooked but there are some truly powerful lessons to be learned there. What is the meaning of life? I'm starting to think just maybe the meaning of life is forgiveness....what about you?

Quote

A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give the same measure as I have received--Albert Einstein

Beware of Parking

Apparently there's a new racket to (legally) scam people out of money these days in Dallas. A friend of mine has been a victim of this scam twice in the past week alone and 3 times total in the past year. Apparently apartment complexes contract with tow companies to remove cars from their properties that are not in compliance with their policies. In the past, this usually meant cars that were abandoned, broken down, parked in fire zones, or otherwise detrimental to the value of the property. I can perhaps understand towing someone who is in a fire zone or parked in a spot that is clearly marked "reserved." However, the new trend seems to find the most nit-picky parking errors and tow the car without warning. Just a week ago, my friend squeezed into a small spot in his apartment complex and because the car beside him had not parked correctly, he was over the line. The next morning he walked out to go to work and found no car....towed because of "double space parking." That was a $163 mistake that also made him over an hour late to work. Last night, the same friend was visiting his brother in another apartment complex. His brother just moved in about a week ago and doesn't have a car, so he wasn't even aware of the policies regarding parking. Now, this complex had more than ample parking. There were literally hundreds of vacant parking places. There were no signs posted regarding prohibitions of parking nor were any of the parking spaces marked with any kind of labels indicating "visitor" or "resident." A couple of hours later, my friend walks outside to find his car missing...again. A call to the police led to the discovery that again his car had been towed. This time for "unauthorized" parking. Another $171 down the drain. It is infuriating because he had no idea he could potentially be parking in the wrong spot. There was no warning, no explanation. It's not like when you park in a fire zone or a handicap spot without authorization...you are at least aware of the risk. In both these cases, he had no idea you could even be towed for something as minor and petty as this. Apparently this complex requires a "resident sticker" and if you don't have a sticker, you have to park in "visitor" parking. The only problem was it wasn't clearly marked which spots were visitor or resident. After he was informed of this policy at the tow facility, he later drove around the complex and finally found a section of "visitor" parking that was nowhere near his brother's apartment...it wouldn't have been safe or convenient to park so far away from where he could keep an eye on the vehicle....especially when there were MORE than enough so-called resident spots near the apartment. I might could even understand if they were having an overcrowding problem, but this was not the case. This was clearly just a money-grab...very irritating. A few months ago, his car was towed for an expired inspection sticker, though it had only been out for a day or two. Legally they are supposed to provide a warning and give the resident time to correct the problem in instances like that, so since they did not provide a warning, he ended up getting his money back on that case, but not without a lengthy hassle. When he was picking up his car from the tow facility, there was another girl there who had just been towed from a parking garage after only 15 minutes in a "Future Resident Only" spot....mind you, it was 11pm on a Sunday night...the complex office wasn't even open to accept future residents at that time of night, so what was it hurting for her to park there? What was it hurting for my friend to park in an otherwise empty parking lot just because it didn't say visitor? Was that really worth punishing them with an almost $200 fine?

I think this is ludicrous that these complexes can create these arbitrary parking rules and not even inform visitors and residents about the policies and then tow you without warning. Legally they are allowed to do this, but I think it is very shady business. Fortunately for my friend, he was able to somewhat afford the unexpected expense, but what about people who are barely getting by financially? This could be a major blow to the budget....just to line someone else's pockets. If they aren't able to come up with the money, their car can be sold in an auction, which could further complicate their situation for getting to work and staying above water. I think it is a very unfair practice that needs to be addressed.

Makes Me Want to Scream!!

Last night was my first class of the semester as I continue to wrap up this second M.Ed. degree in Reading. Although I've lost almost all motivation and interest in this degree, I plod forward, mainly just to finish what has been started. Unenthusiastically, I arrived for class with a professor that I have had 3 times before and who I can honestly say I haven't learned one solitary thing from in any of those experiences. So needless to say I'm less than thrilled about enduring another semester of this particular teacher repeating the same trite spiels and cliches and hearing the same un-enlightening lectures and completing the same mundane assignments as I have in the previous three courses. It doesn't seem to matter what the course is supposed to be about...we do the same thing and talk about the same thing in every class. So essentially I will have taken the same course 4 times and learned nothing. Sigh. Since last night was the first night, we discussed the syllabus (which I have memorized by this point) for basically 2 hours. My mind was so uninterested, so unengaged, so under-stimulated that I felt I was going to scream before the class was finally and mercifully released. It was literally torture and it is torture that I will have to endure every Wednesday night for the next three months. On my way home, I found myself driving like a crazy woman on the freeway with all the pent-up frustration and boredom of the previous two and a half hours seeking some sort of release. I began to think about our students and realized that more than likely this is how they feel after school each day. I know that there are teachers and schools out there that make learning interactive, interesting, meaningful, and engaging for students....but unfortunately in many environments--especially low-income, urban environments-- the focus is on drill and kill test prep which literally sucks any joy and life out of the learning process. Texas is transitioning from the TAKS test to a new high-stakes assessment called the STAAR this year. It is only the second week of school and I'm already STARR'd out. I'm already tired of talking about it, analyzing it, gearing our entire lives around it, and we are still 9 months away from test-time!

Let me give you an example of how this test is already taking over our school. The district decided to give some of the students some kind of beginning of the year assessment this week. (Teachers are telling me that the test basically covers concepts that the students haven't even been introduced to in previous grades so I'm not sure what the purpose of the assessment is other than to document that students don't know those concepts, which I don't think we needed a test to determine). I'm not sure how other schools are handling this assessment, but our administrator has decided that we need to go into full test-mode this week to model the environment of the STAAR which will be given in late April. The STAAR is going to be a timed test, unlike the TAKS. So our leader has decided that we need to start preparing students for that. Therefore, on the second week of school, we are in full test-mode all day every day this week. The students are not following their regular schedule, but are instead taking two tests per day. One in the morning and one after lunch. Most students are finishing the test within the first hour of being in the testing room and then are spending the rest of the allotted time in forced silence, bored and unoccupied. We have given up an entire week of instruction for the purpose of "practicing" for a test that is 9 months away. Furthermore, we will be doing this every six weeks for each common assessment (Do the math. That's over six entire weeks that will be dedicated to testing or practicing testing, and that's not including the end of semester exams or once a semester Benchmark exams). As if our students haven't been tested to death since they first walked into a school six, seven, or eight years ago. As if they don't know what to do when a test booklet and scantron are placed in front of them. In all reality, they don't know what to do when anything ELSE is placed in front of them.

Just as I wanted to scream last night as the professor said the same exact pet phrase for the one millionth time, I want to scream when I walk around this school. I don't see kids engaged in learning or excited about learning. I don't see creative instruction going on that will set the tone for another year of exciting exploration and discovery. What do I see? Kids testing. Is it common sense to anyone but me that if you test the kids to death, they will get burned out and apathetic before we ever reach April? Sadly, I know this isn't the case in all schools, but for those here in this district, there seems to be an unhealthy obsession with these statewide tests that in my opinion is severely limiting the quality of the education our students are receiving. Yes, on paper, our students are performing at acceptable levels, but I just know there is so much they're not getting that a test score is not going to reflect. And unfortunately this frustration I feel can't be relieved with a few minutes of road rage on the interstate.

And so the torture continues....

Inspiration

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a college graduation at Baylor University for a girl that I've known since I moved to Dallas and began working at CDM almost 9 years ago. She was in high school then and was one of the teenage staff members for our summer program. This girl came from what most would consider less than ideal circumstances, yet had determined that she wanted to attend Baylor upon graduation. Her road through college was not an easy one. She didn't have financial support from family at all (and we all know Baylor is NOT cheap) and at times didn't have the necessary level of academic preparation to handle the rigor of college courses. Without going too much into her personal story, let's just say her graduation was a long time coming...almost 7 years. There were many roadblocks, many obstacles, many times that she didn't know how she was going to be able to continue, yet somehow, she always was resourceful and resilient enough to find a way to finish what she had started. I didn't always agree with some of her choices along the way, but at the end of the day, I was as proud as I have ever been of anybody when she walked across that stage and got that diploma. As hundreds of graduates walked across the stage, I wondered about each of them and what it took for them to get there. Perhaps for some, it had been smooth sailing, kind of like myself who had the support system to help me navigate through the financial and logistical challenges of receiving a college education. But for others, perhaps no one really knew what they had been through to "see it through" to that day.

This weekend I finished a book that was quite inspirational and moving. In some ways, it reminded me of my friend, although her situation hadn't been quite as drastic as the author of this book. It was a memoir of a woman who is now about my age who grew up in New York in the 1980's in an absolutely deplorable situation. Her parents were heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol and she spent most of her childhood truant from school, hungry, and eventually homeless at the age of 15. She lived on the streets for several years and at the age of 17 had one high school credit. She had never in her life attended school consistently and had had no desire to do so. However at some point, the author found some motivation within herself to change the direction of her life and decided to go back to high school. After much searching and being turned away multiple times, she was accepted into an alternative high school, although she was still homeless. She didn't want anyone to know she was was homeless because she had spent a brief time in a group home and had determined that she would rather be on the streets than experience that again. (Meanwhile, her mother died of AIDS and her father ended up in a men's shelter, also HIV positive). Within 2 years, she caught up on all her credits and was able to graduate high school. She ended up receiving a New York Times scholarship and was eventually accepted to Harvard University, where she graduated in 2009.

Yes, I must admit I was quite misty-eyed by the time I reached the end of the book and completely inspired by this woman who overcame pretty much the most heart-breaking childhood anyone could imagine...with really very little guidance or support until she got connected at the alternative high school. Her resilience, her ability to keep going, her ability to set a goal and envision a different life for herself was amazing. This kind of self-determination is rare, but I saw it in my friend from Baylor....I see it in my former student Dezeray (who I talk about all the time)...and then there are others that perhaps I don't see it yet, but it's there. All we have to do is help them uncover it...give them a direction to take it. As educators, we can never assume that a kid isn't capable of this kind of story. Many times in her search to return to school, the author was turned away because she was too far behind, had a history of truancy, a troubled past. She wasn't "worth" the risk, worth investing in....yet because someone gave her one more chance she ended up at the most prestigious university in America. Every single day in my work in education, a kid surprises me. Every day. We tend to get jaded, disillusioned, disenchanted....yet we have to be careful to never assume a kid is "too far gone". Somewhere behind all the baggage, bad choices, abuse, neglect, lack of opportunity, whatever the case may be...somewhere behind all of that, there are kids who have something else. A mental toughness. A determination to change the trajectory of his or her life. A willingness to finish what is started. It is up to us to expect that out of every kid because we just never know who is capable of Harvard or Baylor or beyond.

Hmmmm....Blank

I have been thinking about blogging for quite some time but I can't ever seem to think of what I want to write about. So I don't write anything. I don't know what happened between me being an 8 year old novelist in my closet back in the day and now, but it just seems so much harder to write now than it did then!

Explanation of the post below this one...at our camp this summer we had a book club and I had the girls create a "glog" which is an interactive poster type thing as a sort of book report. (Go to www.glogster.com if you would like to know more about this). I thought the girls did a great job and I wanted to post their glogs on my blog (sounds like it could be a future Dr. Suess book) but couldn't quite figure it out. As you can see, the size was too large and I am not smart enough to figure out how to fix it. Anyways, it was a fun project and I highly recommend having your kids do something like this instead of your traditional report.

Summer flew by. We had another great summer program, I took a quick trip to Southern Oregon to see Crystal, and now we're back at school! I am attempting to scrounge up some motivation from somewhere for being a school librarian but I seem to be having a difficult time grasping any. There is actually something I would like to request people's prayers about but would rather not publicize on the blog at this point (not that thousands of people read it or anything) but if you could just keep me in mind over the next week or so...it would be appreciated!

Upcoming things to look forward to as fall approaches....
-Labor Day weekend in Farwell
-Possible Texas Rangers game in September with the Fletchers
-Possible Texas A&M football game with Buddy and Rosco
-Possible possible camping trip with the -Fletchers and Tricia somewhere between here and Missouri???
-Texas State Fair

So maybe I will start having something to blog about again soon!

Brieanna's Glog

A Reader's Dream Come True!

Some of you may have heard me mention the "MET Project" over the past year or so. I won't go into the details now, but basically, this was an extremely intensive, stressful, complicated national research project that our district chose to be a part of. I was designated as the school project coordinator (participation was supposed to be voluntary but that's not how it was presented to us...it was more of a directive) which ended up being one of the most, shall we say, challenging experiences of my professional life so far. Anyways, after 18 months of headaches, frustrations, etc. etc. the project is finally over and I can focus on the perks!! As the SPC, if I met certain deadlines along the way, I could receive extra incentives. I ended up getting four Barnes and Nobles gift cards, as well as a new Ipod Nano Touch. The gift cards hadn't been in my hands but a couple of hours and I was on my way to Barnes and Noble to redeem them for my long-awaited one of these.....



Isn't it beautiful?? Definitely worth all the stress of the past year to be able to get this almost free. I fortunately was able to get the latest version of the Nook Color, which has so many neat capabilities that it is almost as good as an Ipad in my opinion. Not only can I view books, magazines, and newspapers in color and with a touchscreen, but I can store music, photos, and files on the Nook, I can access Pandora and the web and watch streaming video over it, I can email from the Nook...it is amazing! It is everything I hoped it would be! The only downside is not being able to purchase books quite as cheaply as say used books from Amazon, but I think that as e-readers become more popular, there will be more available for free from public libraries and other sources.

I'm so excited about my new toys...just in time for summer reading! And working out with the cute little Ipod! Every now and then hard work actually pays off!! :-)

My Daddy!

Wow, this semester was quite intense! I think I warned everyone that I might be MIA for awhile and it turns out my predictions were more than correct. In some ways, I feel I have worked harder the past couple of months than I ever have, but that might not be true. Just felt like it there for awhile. Between my job as a librarian, and my new apparent position of being an on-call substitute at my school, being the school project coordinator for the MET Project, working four days a week at the Boys and Girls Club, working every other Saturday for Upward Bound, taking 6 hours of master's classes, helping my friend coordinate his school's field day, tutoring on Sunday afternoons, and planning the grand finale for the CDM education department last weekend.....I was, shall we say, busy. Many of those things are now complete or almost complete so I'm feeling much better. Now just to gear up for the summer camp....:-) I think this summer will feel like a vacation, only working ONE job and being done at 4pm everyday...I won't know what to do with myself! Hmmm, maybe do things like work out, drink water, and go to bed on time to start with!

Anyways, since it seems I have somewhat started a tradition of talking about my appreciation for various family members on this blog, I would like to take this very special day, May 25, to talk about my wonderful pops on his birthday. The older I get and the more people I meet and especially the more kids and young people I interact with, I realize more and more how blessed I was to have the dad I did growing up. The more I talk to people, I realize what a rarity it is becoming to have a stable, consistent, godly, hard-working, honorable dad in one's life...but I have always had that and I am so grateful. Now that I've been an adult for awhile, I look back at how we were raised and I just don't think my dad and mom could have done a better job...and much of that is due to my dad's hard work, sacrifice, and leadership. When I think of my dad, the three words that come to mind are hard work, character, and sacrifice. A vivid memory from my childhood is sitting in church with my dad, holding his hand, and feeling the roughness and callousness of his skin...skin that was leathery from hard manual labor. For almost 30 years, he has gotten up six days a week to carry mail all day and then head to the farm to work many days until past dark. During the summer months when irrigating, he gets up before the sun comes up and sometimes doesn't get to stop working until the sun has been down for quite awhile. I remember sometimes going to bed without seeing my dad because he was still in the field. I remember him coming in late at night, tired, dirty, and smelling like tractors, dust, and grease, but I liked that smell. He never really enjoyed his mail route job, but it was a sacrifice he made year after year in order to provide for our family. On top of these two jobs, my dad has had pretty much a third job at church all these years, being the one that in many ways holds everything together there. He taught our Bible classes, led our singing, handled the finances, and much more. He showed us the example that our faith and our church should ALWAYS come first, no matter what else was going on or what other responsibilities we may have. My dad is also one of the most honest and honorable men I have ever known. He wouldn't cheat anyone or anything half a cent even if he had the chance. He is absolutely trustworthy in every way and his example truly stands out in a world where even Christians often are blurring the lines between right and wrong, honest and dishonest, fair and unfair. My dad is a very wise manager of finances and as a result he has the ability to be quietly generous in so many ways. I also think my dad was able to strike the perfect balance in allowing my brothers and me to have an enjoyable, carefree childhood while still instilling principles of hard work and responsibility in us. He also found the perfect balance in helping us make the transition to adulthood smoothly. I went to college with kids who either had absolutely no help from their parents or else had the proverbial silver spoons in their mouths, but I was fortunately somewhere in between...I had to work and do my part, but my parents were there to help me get through my education. My dad somehow knew just how much to do to help us without becoming a crutch for us. I get emotional when I think of how much he and my mom did without over the years to be able to get into a financial position to help us get started in life, and as a result, we have all been able to become independent and productive without too much stress or struggle. Another thing I love about my dad is he always treats people right. He treats our family right, he treats people in the community right, he treats strangers right. I never heard my dad curse or talk ugly in all my years of being around him. He just minds his business, works hard, and enjoys simple things. He doesn't need attention or praise or "things" to be happy. He is very humble and quiet, but he is also very wise. I just think I have the best dad in the world and I'm more thankful all the time for him! I can't wait for this time next year when he will finally get to retire from the post office and really have time to do the things he enjoys...he has definitely earned that right more than anybody!

There is so much more to say, but most of the people who will read this already know my dad and they know that no one could really describe him the way he deserves in a couple of paragraphs. He might not even read this but I just wanted the world to know what a great man and great father Mr. Weldon Embry has been to me!! Happy birthday!!

A Special Lady

Today is my grandmother's birthday, so I would like to say a few words in tribute of "MaMa." I am so thankful that I was blessed to grow up around all my grandparents and that I have had them for so many years of my life, including MaMa. "MaMa's house" was pretty much one of my favorite places in the world growing up....it has this certain smell that when I got home and unpacked my bag I would just sit and sniff my clothes because I loved it so much. Looking back, I see how patient MaMa must have been because I was always asking her to get something out or to show me how to do something....from painting pictures in the "little house" to teaching me to embroider and crochet to giving me driving lessons or getting out all the old photo albums or exploring the cellar or watching Little House on the Prairie reruns, MaMa always made sure I was happy and entertained! (This is in between making sure PaPa was taken care of and that meals were cooked, etc.) I used to also enjoy sitting with MaMa in church because I could count on her having a little notebook and pen for me to write with and, most importantly, gum in her purse. Other favorite activities were putting rollers in her hair for her (beauty shop!) or having beauty pageants in the bathroom in her nightgowns and high heels with Holly, Cindy, and Tammy or helping to can the green beans or check on the garden. And there's nothing like her homemade rolls or chocolate pie or ice cream or cream puffs....I probably shouldn't get started on the food list....it could go on for awhile! :-) I just have so many memories that bring a smile to my face and they wouldn't have been possible without my grandmother who I love dearly and am so happy to celebrate today! Thank you, MaMa, for giving me so many special memories over the years and for loving us so much!

Testing- The Cancer Killing Education Today

Since January I have been tutoring at a Boys and Girls Club here in Dallas after school four days per week. I have kids from 2nd through 7th grade and they are placed in the tutoring program based on report grades. I have really enjoyed my experience there so far and have of course really enjoyed having daily one-on-one relationships with kids again, since I really miss that in the library. I especially love my little 3rd and 4th grade boys...they are so energetic, yet still so sweet. One of these special guys is a little boy I will call "Corey." Corey is talkative, loves basketball, and loves to tell a story, but it only took a couple of sessions to realize that he is quite a bit below where he needs to be for a 4th grader. However, he is a hard worker and he definitely is willing to try. That's why the incident I'm about to describe disturbed me so deeply.

Last Tuesday the 4th, 7th, and 10th graders took the TAKS writing test. The other tests will be forthcoming throughout the spring, but the writing is always the first test to be administered. On Monday, I decided to go over a few writing tips with the 4th grade group, including techniques for strong beginnings. As we worked, Corey began to get frustrated because he was struggling with his beginning and with what I was demonstrating to the rest of the group. He then said, "Oh, well, I'm not going to school tomorrow anway." I quickly reminded him that it was a test day and that he really needed to be there, to which he responded, "But my teacher told me to stay home tomorrow." What?? I just looked at him with my jaw dropped, and he continued, "Yeah, she told me to stay home tomorrow and she would buy me a Game Stop gift card." Jaw dropped even further. I began to slowly ask him a few questions like what did his parents say about that and how many kids did his teacher tell that to...he responded that he was the only one. As I looked at Corey with his wide, innocent eyes, my heart just broke. Here was a kid that is struggling, that wants to do well, that really tries, but that was being sent a strong message that in essence said, "There is no hope for you. You're too dumb to pass this test, so just stay home so you won't mess up my test scores." My heart broke because I don't think Corey even realized that was what his teacher was telling him...but one day he will look back and he will understand what that game card meant. One day, sooner than later, he will internalize the message that his teachers gave up on him, that he wasn't worth teaching, that he couldn't produce a certain test score, so he's better off at home.

This is what testing has done for us. This is the result of the oh-so-noble No Child Left Behind. The thing is that after Corey told me this, I pulled him to the side and began to work with him one-on-one. For about 15 minutes, I worked with him, talked with him, guided him in his writing...and in just a few minutes, he had written a decent opening paragraph. He was so proud of it that he stood up on a chair to read it to the rest of the group. Was Corey going to pass the writing test the next day? Probably not. But that's not the point. That's not the end-all, be-all. The point is that when I worked with Corey for 15 minutes, I saw progress. I saw potential. I saw a child who deserves to be believed in, a child who needs support, but not a child who is better off at home.

Testing has gotten so out of control that there is no way that it is an even remotely accurate measurement of student achievement or of teacher ability. In Dallas ISD, teachers each year are given what is called a CEI score (classroom effectiveness index). This score is based pretty much on test scores and measures whether students showed growth from one grade to the next under that particular teacher. These CEI scores are factored into a lot of decisions. However, as a former sixth grade teacher, I discovered how unfair the CEI score system really was. I had over 90% of my students pass the reading exam, but I still did not receive a high CEI because they hadn't shown growth from the year before. Every year, we get incoming students from all these elementary schools around here that are 'recognized' and 'exemplary' and students that supposedly were 'commended' in reading and math...yet when they get to sixth grade, suddenly they don't even know their multiplication facts and can barely read. This is a district-wide problem. The students will flat out ask our teachers what the "code words" are going to be during a test or how the teacher plans to give them the answers. This is what they are accustomed to doing in elementary and are baffled when my co-workers here in middle school don't do that anymore. Oh yes, best believe teachers have figured out how to beat the system, whether it's by bribing their lowest kids to stay at home, or by changing answer documents, or by giving student's answers. This is what testing has done to education. This is what our state spends millions of dollars each year on while we cut thousands of jobs and cram 40 kids in a classroom. Do you think the pressure to cheat is bad now? Just wait until next year when a teacher is struggling to keep her job and her head above water with 250 kids a day to try to teach....the test is a joke now but will continue to become even more meaningless and even more a cancer to public education in the years to come as budgets are slashed but testing expectations increase.

Right now, teachers all across the state are hurting. Our hearts are literally breaking because no one seems to understand. No one seems to be listening. We are screaming at the top of our lungs but it is falling on deaf ears. No one seems to understand or care how serious this crisis is!! Why can’t we make people understand? Why can’t we make them understand what we go through every day, what we see every day, what we need every day? Why can’t we make them see how important we are? Why can’t we make them see how crucial our work is? Why is it so easy just to give 100,000 of us the “axe” in one single swipe of a pen? Why can’t they look at children and see what we see? Why can’t they look at our future and see it the way we can? The most helpless, powerless feeling in the world is being a teacher in the state of Texas right now, watching the cancer of high-stakes testing suck the life out of our schools, out of our profession, out of our children, and out of our future....watching powerful people slash money and jobs and schools like they mean nothing....watching more and more children not just slip through the cracks, but be literally shoved through the cracks while we stand helplessly by-- voiceless and unimportant.

Wake Up!!!

Article in the Houston Chronicle....do these facts not disturb our leaders???

Expert says education at risk if state's spending cuts enacted

By GARY SCHARRER
Austin bureau

Feb. 23, 2011, 10:50PM

AUSTIN — For Texans to truly understand the state's grim future may require all 1,030 school superintendents to immediately cancel high school sports — including Friday night football, demographer Steve Murdock says.

Of course, doing so might get them all fired.

So, the lights still will shine on Texas high school football this fall. But the coming crisis will not go away, he said.

According to Murdock, unless state leaders address the current trend line, by 2040 three out of every 10 Texas workers will not have a high school diploma.

Education is the only remedy, he said, and the early budget plans would make the trend line much worse.

Public education stands to lose about $11.5 billion from current funding levels. The cuts likely would lead to larger class sizes and the loss of tens of thousands of jobs for teachers and education support staff. The budget proposals also would cut early childhood intervention, teen parenting eduction, reading, math and science initiatives, and programs to help students stay in school.

Pre-K, TEXAS grants

Murdock is particularly concerned about the two programs he says are most critical: high quality pre-kindergarten and TEXAS grants, which he considers the building blocks for elevating public education.

Both programs, however, face severe budget cuts.

The preliminary House budget plan would cut about $222 million out of Pre-K funding for the next two years affecting about 101,000 children currently in the full-day program. The TEXAS grant program faces a 41 percent budget cut, dropping the number of students who get college financial help from nearly 87,000 to 27,000.

"I am very concerned," said Murdock, a sociology professor at Rice University and the former state demographer who also served as U.S. Census Bureau director in the George W. Bush administration. "It's not like we have a lot of slack in the system where we can slip a little bit and still be OK."

Minority children now make up at least 66 percent of the state's 4.8 million public school enrollment, most from low-income families. In the last 10 years, the number of children from low-income families has increased by 893,055, surpassing overall enrollment growth during the same period.

Education is the single best predictor of income, Murdock says, and the combination of explosive Hispanic population growth and low academic achievement produces the sour forecast.

"We are lagging now and to fail to educate this population is a formula for long-term disaster for Texas," Murdock said. "The thing that is most important for us to recognize is that what we do today with these young people will determine the future for all of us."

Catching kids early

Proposed cuts to Pre-K funding disturb Spring Branch ISD school board member Susan Kellner. Spring Branch has had a model Pre-K program for years and a full-day program for 10 years.

Pre-K works, Kellner said, citing statistics showing that Spring Branch students perform 5 percent to 9.2 percent better on reading, math and writing tests if they attended Pre- K.

"If you catch them early, you catch any kind of learning disability, you catch any kind of family dynamic that you help them with, you catch speech problems, and you can remediate when their brains are so malleable," Kellner said. "You can change the way they learn. This is the way you get kids to college."

House Public Education Chairman Rob Eissler, R-The Woodlands, said he cannot defend the proposed cuts in Pre-K and TEXAS grant funding.

"We have some serious, serious decisions to make," Eissler said. "If you predict the future based on today, it's not bright."

The consensus of Pre-K research is that Pre-K investment is the best place to spend education money because it delivers the greatest return, said Ed Fuller, an education researcher at the University of Texas at Austin.

Cutting education spending is like mortgaging the state's future, he said, and will take years to recover.

"Essentially," Fuller said, "we're going to end up with two groups of people: one who can afford to have their kids educated, and a much larger group of Texans who can't afford to have their kids educated."

In the long run, Texas will lose money as struggling students drop out, he said. They end up paying fewer taxes and needing more social services or end up incarcerated, he said.

The Close of a Chapter

I have been saddened the past few days after I received the news that the education department at CitySquare (formerly Central Dallas Ministries--where I used to work) will be closing. That means the After School Academy, summer program, Teen U, Mid-Teen U, and Roseland Library/Bookstore will all be coming to end in May, along with the community center in Roseland. To be honest, I was really heartbroken by this news--heartbroken for the families and kids and the community that love these programs and that are benefiting in so many immeasurable ways, for Janet who has dedicated her entire life the past 13-15 years to developing the department to what it is today, and just a little bit for myself because these programs and the people that ARE the programs have played such an enormous role in my life and are so close to my heart.

The reason I came to Dallas in February 2003 (8 years ago) was to intern under Janet and learn about the challenges of urban life and of urban education. The very first people I met here were Janet and the kids and families of the After School Academy in Turner Courts and the members of the Central Dallas church. I never really expected to still be here in Dallas eight years later, but the experiences I had and the relationships I built there changed me so much...they helped me define a purpose and passion for my life. They helped me to shape a much deeper and more diverse world view. They taught me about empathy, about compassion, about community, and about justice in ways I had never previously understood those words. Every single day I learned so much....about people, about education, about kids, about injustice, about hope, about real community, about struggle...and about myself. I learned so much about the potential in kids and discovered this strong desire to make sure every child has a chance to capitalize on that potential. I loved everything about the ideals, the mission, the vision, the principles, and the practice of our programs....(I still say "our" although I haven't been a staff member in almost 5 years)....we were so unique from other after school organizations and had so much substance. I loved that children were always valued and never exploited, even if it meant losing funding opportunities or public recognition at times. I love that it was always about the quality more than the quantity and that standard was never compromised. I love that the program valued people and parents and that it thrived on the wisdom and strengths that everybody brought to the table, not just program directors. I love that each new generation of the After School Academy or University of Values was a family more than it was a program...a family that keeps in touch long after the programs have ended or moved or changed. There was always so much love....real love. Even though I wasn't as involved as I once was, I could still drop by Roseland every Friday afternoon and find that same love, that same sense of family and community. No matter what changes I personally went through, I could always go back there and sort of find myself again. And now it won't be there. At least not in the same way it always has been. And that makes me really, really sad.

And then my heart breaks for the kids....kids who love having a place to call their own, a place that feels like "theirs", a place they can go to find that same sense of love and family that means so much to me as well. If you've ever seen the way Katrina hugs her kids in the library and the smiles on their faces when they see her, if you could see the kids busily working in the growing garden behind the ASA, if you could see the polite way they greet a visitor, if you could see the books, the artwork, the artifacts from all sorts of amazing learning experiments splashed across the walls, you would know in an instant why this is so tragic. Although I know Janet and Katrina and others will stay in touch with kids long after the program is gone, it will be hard to fill those special hours every afternoon. It was so exciting to see the program grow and develop over the years....so exciting each time an amazing idea got put into action....and now it just seems like such a loss, although I know it isn't. It's just how I feel right now.

And then there's Janet. What can I say about this woman to accurately describe her drive, her passion, her excitement for these kids and for this calling? The entire education department existed because of Janet....because when she came to Dallas however many years ago (14-15?) she got to know her neighbors and the kids in her community. She began having a handful of kids over to her apartment every afternoon after school....and then she began going to their schools....and she began to see a lot of things, but mostly she saw potential. She saw kids who were capable of anything, even if no one else saw it. She saw kids that were worth investing in, even if no one else was investing. From that very first after school program in the living room to the wide array of learning opportunities you see at Roseland today, Janet has been working tirelessly to "helps kids envision who they can and will one day become." I don't think any of us will ever know just how much she put of herself into making each program be the very best it could be. I think back to the old summer program days. Countless hours went into each University of Values summer program....planning the theme, gathering resources, working out administrative details, planning field trips, planning the QUALITY staff development for the teen workers, and then once the program started, putting in 10-12 hour days at the camp, followed by hours each evening responding to the journals, morning message boards, and lesson plans of each teen staff member....for eight weeks straight. Many years, Janet was the only full-time staff member and the responsibility for running after school programs and summer programs was on her shoulders alone. There were times of success, times of failure, times filled with growing pains....but each year brought new lessons, new possibilities, new things to tweak and new things to try....and each year, the program grew a little more and got a little better. Staff members (like me) have come and gone. Parents have come and gone. Kids have come and gone. Locations and buildings have come and gone. But Janet was there from day one...this is her "baby." I can't really imagine Janet without the After School Academy to develop, without summer programs to plan, without "director of education" behind her name. I got a chance to eat with Janet the other night and visit with her about all of this, and although it hasn't been an easy adjustment, she in her usual optimism is looking forward to her new role and the new possibilities at CitySquare. I know she will do amazing things in this new direction, but I will really miss seeing what could have unfolded in the other one. Maybe it's silly but I feel as sad as though something has died, although I know it hasn't and never will. The After School Academy and University of Values and the programs at Roseland will always be alive in every kid, every staff member, every parent, every teacher who was blessed to be a part of its very special, very unique history...it will always be a little part of us-- or in some cases like me, a big part of us. I'm so thankful to have been a part of it, to have known Kashia, Bubba, Whitney, Tiffany, Jessica, Kendell, Octavia, Demarcus, Wyshina, Ms. Fields, Chanel, Ravyn, Deidre, Jhor-Dai, Deshaumbra, Jazmine, Jordan, Daijha, Demarcus, Antionette, Regina, Deandre, Dezaree, Jazz, Adrian, Danielle, Khris, Tionna, Twasanna, Daquaylon, Damian, Tyrese, Chartaydra, Rosco, Buddy, Keishunna, Tatiyana, Maurice, Latrice, Ladarrius, Shaniqua, Diamond, Katrina, Paula, Ladaysha, Iesha, Niesha, Eddie, Vanessa, Nathan, Erica, Rocio, Victor, Sylvia, Phantasia, Triniti, Amaya, Briana, Junior.....and so, so, SO many more people that mean the world to me and have given me a kind of unconditional acceptance that I never found elsewhere. I'm so thankful to have been able to learn so much from a mentor like Janet. I'm so thankful to have just been there and thankful that these places and faces have been such a special part of my life. The things I learned there have given me something to aspire to find and achieve again, they have given me a new lens through which to see the world, and above all else they have given me a new definition of hope.

So while this is the close of a chapter in many ways, I know the story really isn't over...not for Janet, not for CitySquare, and not for the kids. There are many chapters yet to be written. But I think deep down, this one that's ending will always be my personal favorite. Thank you, Janet, for all you have done, for teaching me so very much, and for giving so many people the gift of this experience through your hard work, your sacrifice of time, and your commitment to your belief in people and kids. I know your "ripple" has only just begun....I can't wait to see where it reaches.

SOS!!

So for those in the technology world, there are a lot of little abbreviations like LOL (laugh out loud), ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing), etc that people use in facebooking and texting...one I've started to use a lot is SMH (shaking my head). Yep, I've been SMHing a lot the past couple of weeks as the Texas Legislature has reconvened and started to talk about this severe budget crunch our state is facing. First up on the chopping block are BILLIONS, yes that's right, BILLIONS of dollars for public education, libraries, and other fundamental pillars of a democracy.

Now what this means for local school districts is disturbing. Last night at the Dallas ISD school board meeting, it was announced that if the budget cuts go through as currently discussed, that could mean a potential $253 million cut out of a $1.2 billion budget for our district. Right now they are looking at cutting 3,100 campus employees and 800 non-campus employees. WHAT???? That's almost FOUR-THOUSAND PEOPLE!!! There are only roughly 10,000 teachers in the district! And we're just talking about the Dallas district alone...not the other large districts in the Metroplex that will be affected, as well as districts across the state. If this is not a serious crisis for our state and for our country, I don't know what is. Not only is this a drastic hit to the local economy, but the challenge that will remain for the teachers who keep their jobs is staggering. Classrooms are crowded to the brim already and teachers are fighting to keep up with the needs of an ever-changing and diverse population of students, more and more of whom are English language learners in Texas and require more intensive instruction than we can possibly provide as it is. Just as the topic of public education is beginning to make its way back into the national conversation, just as we are starting to recognize the inequities and the inefficiencies of our current system, we are talking about cutting it to the bone even more??

I have mentioned in previous posts that I didn't necessarily think that pumping lots more money into education was the answer and that we currently have resources to work with....but I never thought we needed to go the other direction. I also mentioned that I thought there are teachers who don't need to be in a classroom, but eliminating 4,000 of them in one chop is not going to help the situation. This is seriously scary to me. Not just for the reason of job security for myself, but for the sanity of the teachers who will keep their jobs and for the poor quality of the education we will be providing to our future leaders. I don't understand.....it seems so obvious that one of the best ways to build a strong economy is to build a strong education system. I don't understand how giving millions of kids a sub-par, crappy education is going to benefit our country in the long run. I don't understand how laying off thousands of professionals who will have absolutely no where else to go is going to strengthen our state's economy. About the only business that is going to be booming in twenty years is the prison industry with this kind of dis-investment of the public education system.

But we've got to do more than SMH....we need to contact our representatives and voice our concerns and let them know that education is worth investing in. We need to fight for our schools, for our teachers, and most importantly for our kids....we can't just sit passively by and let this happen. I don't know what to do but we've got to do something....nothing good can come out taking a hacksaw to education.

Yeah, this is more than a SMH moment....this is an SOS!!!

A Very Sad Day....

My heart is breaking this morning after getting a text from Crystal late last night that her brother has passed on. I can't imagine how difficult this is for her family. But their faith throughout this whole ordeal is something we all can aspire to. Read what Crystal wrote on Facebook this morning:

This is the most difficult day of our lives. Meetings with the neurosurgeons, doctors, and nursing staff over the last two days concerning the extent of Branson's brain injury has been devastating to our family. It was fatal when they medevaced him to the hospital and his life was spared by only a few minutes. On the GCS scale of brain activity he was a minimum of 3 out of 15. Critical care, prayer and Branson's fight brought his number up to a mere 5. After prolonged efforts to bring him to a conscious state of 8 on the scale so he could wake up, he took a turn for the worse and dropped back to a 3. The best scenerio for Branson was dependent care for the rest of his life. He may never have come out of the coma, talked, or even understood. Branson loves life to the fullest. He has told us more than once: "If I'm ever in that condition, do not keep me on life support." We had to make the most difficult decision to withdraw it. We had the nurses and doctors' blessing with our decision. Tonight, Branson went home to be with our Lord. We cannot express the pain we are all feeling. We love Branson beyond comprehension. He is the joy and pride of our lives. We did not want to give him up as a son, brother, or friend. We understand better what the Father must have felt in giving up his one and only. Branson passed without pain. The Father watched His Son pass under the excruciating pain of being crushed as a sin sacrifice for us all. Though we understand better, it doesn't compare. God has proven a greater love for Branson than ours could ever be. We entrust Branson to His care which supersedes all earthly care. Your hearts and support have been heard from all over and have bombarded the gates of heaven with unending vigil on Branson's and our family's behalf. Words cannot express the deep felt gratitude and love we feel for you all. You have all showered us with your support and unending prayer. We feel such pride in Branson who is responsible for a lot of this. He has in you friends for life, and he made some of the best ones we could ever imagine. He never forgot one of you, and if he could speak today to all of us, he'd say: "Okay, enough of that crying, let's go snow boarding, wake boarding, long boarding, skate boarding, stretch some Saran Wrap across the road and do some community service. Let's play football, baseball, wiffel ball, wrestle, climb Mt. Marathon, Mt. McLoughlin, rock climb, go surfing, snow machining, wake boarding, play tennis, do some mountain biking, dirt biking, go dancing, see a concert, go to a Sun's or Coyote's game." And he always did it with friends- friends for life! He loves you all.

Shannon (sister) sent this text to us. She is bringing a new son into this world and can't be here with us.

I know that there is no greater gift than to spend an eternity with our Lord in paradise...B just had to get there first... He'd have just told us that he won... And that he beat us all...because of how fun and how beautiful his heart is.

We can't tell you enough how much you have all meant to us in this trial. We hope to never be the same, having known and loved this wonderful son, brother, and best friend.

-The Holm Family & Shelby Dietsch Family

Wow. The hope we have as Christians is truly an amazing and beautiful thing. Please continue to keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.

Another Prayer Request!

Goodness, it just seems like so many friends are dealing with so much! I just got an email from another good friend from LCU days, Natalie Clayton. Natalie and Daniel had quite an ordeal a couple of years ago when their first son had to be delivered at 29 weeks. Kason spent a long time in the NICU, but he has since progressed wonderfully, thanks to a lot of people's prayers. Now Natalie is expecting again and apparently she is experiencing the same issue and the Claytons are facing the same ordeal all over again with their second baby. Here is the email I got from her this afternoon:

Hey friends! I just wanted to update a few of you who don't live in Lubbock who may not have heard, but to also ask for prayers for our family. I was hospitalized yesterday in ante partum because I was diagnosed with preeclampsia yet again. Although with Kason this didn't pop up and I didn't deliver until 29 weeks...it has unfortunately showed up at 26 weeks with this little guy. The doctors were hoping that bed rest in the hospital instead of at home like I have been might help me keep cookin' the little guy longer, but again my preeclampsia seems to be increasing at a fast rate like it did with Kason. Therefore, I will most likely be delivering next week...even as early as Monday or Tuesday. Daniel and I are doing alright, but are both worried about Max (our newest little guy) having to struggle like Kason did in the NICU for a couple of months if not longer. Please pray for our comfort through this delivery and for the fight Max has ahead of him.

You can see that Natalie is one of the most optimistic and positive people I know, but this has to be so tough to be facing this again. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers along with the Holm family and so many others who are going through difficult times!

Help for Branson Holm

Sunday evening I got a call from one of my very best friends from college, Crystal Holm. Crystal's youngest brother, Branson, had been in a serious snowboarding accident in Arizona and experienced a traumatic head injury. He had to have emergency surgery to relieve bleeding and swelling in the brain and has remained in critical condition. I haven't received too many updates this week other than his condition remains extremely critical.

Branson is a college student in Arizona and does not have medical insurance. His parents live in Oregon and his three sisters are scattered throughout the U.S. so I'm sure the family has already incurred a great expense just to travel to be with him. Yesterday Crystal sent out the message that a fund has been set up at the Holm's home church in Oregon to help with the medical expenses that will be ahead, as Branson is expected to be in the hospital for an extended period of time. I just wanted to pass that information on in case there is anyone reading this out there that would like to help this family during this tragic and difficult time. This is a really beautiful and faithful family who have been a light for many others...now it is our turn to be a light to them.

Assistance can be sent to:

West Main Church of Christ
1701 West Main
Medford, Oregon 97501

Checks payable to the church and with a memo "For Branson Holm's Benevolence Fund"

Cards to Branson can be sent to:

Flagstaff Medical Center
1200 N. Beaver
Flagstaff, AZ 86001
Attn: ICU North/Branson Holm 1015

Thank you for thinking about this family during this time and keeping them in prayer!

Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.- Galatians 6:10

Here We Go!!!

It seems this year I have given hardly any notice to the fact that a new year has begun. Usually I spend quite a bit of time reflecting and setting goals, but this year I just slipped right into 2011 and hardly noticed. Perhaps this is because I feel like I am at the top of a steep slope, staring down, taking a deep breath, about to push off the ledge into a crazy downhill spiral of busy-ness!

Last semester wasn't too bad. I had a nice balance of activity, especially with no graduate school classes to worry about. However, we all knew that couldn't last long. I have decided to go back to school this semester and finish my other master's degree, the one I had originally started out to complete before switching to a library science major. Initially, I had started out to pursue a master of education in Reading. I only need 18 hours to complete it, so I decided to plunge back in and knock that out in 2011 before I get too far removed from "school mode." So this semester I will be taking 6 hours, face-to-face classes, starting in a couple of weeks. (I will then take six hours this summer and six hours this fall and be done!)

After I had already made the decision to go back to school and had that all lined up, I was presented with the opportunity to work as a part-time tutor after school for the Boys and Girls Club here in Dallas. I had been volunteering at Central Dallas (now known as CitySquare) in the library at Roseland, but wasn't feeling particularly needed or utilized there. I decided to go ahead and interview for the position and I found out yesterday that I got the job! I will be working four days a week from 4:00-7:00pm. I'm pretty excited about this opportunity, but not so excited about having to leave there and go straight to class from 7:30-10:20 two nights per week.

Now these two new activities are on top of my regular job and my two Saturdays per month job at Upward Bound and my weekly private tutoring sessions on Sundays. Not to mention that one of the few goals I did set for 2011 was to get more involved and connected at church . And I did want to get back into a more regular work-out routine, but I don't know when that's going to happen if I'm leaving the house at 7:45am every morning and not getting back until 10:30 or later at least two days per week. However, I think all of this will be worth it, both financially and in the aspect of building better relationships and in doing what I can for kids. I feel extremely blessed to have these opportunities and pray for the strength to make the most of them!

Yesterday I went home from work and took a 4 hr nap...I'm pretty sure that won't be happening again for a very long time! I only have a few days left before pushing off down the crazy slope, so I'm going to try to make the most of the slower pace while I can! :-)