?!?!??!

Well, I am coming out of my blog hiatus to vent about something that has disturbed me in the past week or so and to see if anyone else finds this as illogical as I do!!

Let me begin by saying that although there are many aspects of being a librarian that I definitely do not excel at, I do feel that one of my strengths is an ability to choose books that will peak my students interest in reading and that they will enjoy. I think I happen to be pretty good at knowing my kids, knowing what they will like, and putting it into their hands. Now that I'm in my second year and have completed three big book orders, I have a pretty good selection of books that stay in high demand and keep kids coming in for more. As a result, I think there has been a definite increase in library usage and the number of kids actually interested in reading and reading in larger quantities. I've had one eighth grade reading teacher comment that she's had more students interested in reading this year than she's ever had, to the point that she is having a problem with kids reading in class instead of doing their "work." Now, while I see this as a good thing, apparently not everyone shares my sentiment. Let me share a couple of stories that have me up on my soap box today!

First, a few days ago, my principal happened to be in the library to use the phone while a couple of students were in during the passing period to return books and check out more. I'm doing a "Pop Open a Good Book" reading incentive thing where I have the students document all the books they are reading and returning and then have a popcorn party at the end of the month for those who have been responsible in returning their books. So since one girl was putting her popcorn stickers on her sheet, I pointed out to the principal that she had read about six or seven books this month alone and praised her for really being an avid reader. Our TAKS-obsessed principal then responded, "Oh, that's great! You're going to get 100% on that TAKS reading test!" As if the only purpose for reading in our school is to get the skills up to pass some test. Does EVERYTHING have to revolve around TAKS?? Can't students just read because they want to, because its fun? I'm so sick of the entire meaning of our existence at Pearl C. revolving around this test...sick of it being made to be the only motivation for students to do anything positive educationally. I mean, what about after she passes the TAKS? What about after she graduates? Is there no value in being a strong, lifelong reader beyond that?? Grrr....that comment really irritated me, as you can tell!

Then today I had a student come in and ask if she could leave her books in the library. I asked her why. She responded that she got in trouble and couldn't take her library books home anymore. Baffled, I asked for more clarification. She explained that she was reading her library books during TAKS tutoring yesterday and she got in trouble for that and her mom told her that she couldn't have library books for the rest of the year. What?!?!? How does someone get in trouble for READING??? As a librarian, my job is to fight to get students to read, and now that they're actually doing it, they get in trouble?? First of all, I'm appalled that one of my co-workers actually felt this was a serious enough offense to call home about. Second of all, I'm appalled that a parent would feel that an appropriate punishment would be to ban her from books. Don't they understand that sustained silent reading is going to do more for helping this student excel than 45 minutes of so-called tutoring in the first place?

I feel that the messages we are sending our kids are so skewed by the emphasis our school, our district, and our state has placed on these high-stakes tests that we are sabotaging their future! When a kid can no longer escape reminders of this dumb test even for a few minutes to read for pleasure, I take serious issue with that! What in the world is the purpose of my job at this school then??

Sigh. This is what we're up against, folks!!

Wilderness Trek 2009

Summer 2009 has been a crazy one. Between teaching full-time at Circle of Support (teaching 5 different classes and grade levels which meant a lot of planning), plugging away at summer classes for the Master Reading Teacher certification, and trying to transition jobs and districts...I've been a little overwhelmed. Back in the spring, I agreed to chaperone a group of Central Dallas kids to Wilderness Trek in Colorado. As the week grew closer, I was excited for the opportunity to visit my favorite place in the world (Colorado!) but not so thrilled about the timing as I was just so swamped with everything going on. However, looking back over the week, I now see that I began the trip with the absolutely wrong attitude. I went into the week thinking about "my time, my schedule, my inconveniences" or even how "I" was going to enjoy Colorado and how "I" wanted to hike another mountain, etc.etc. How I was humbled this week! Over and over I was reminded that the Trek experience has very little to do with hiking and backpacking or being in Colorado and everything to do with what we learn and how we grow, and as an adult, how we can support the kids as they are stretched, challenged, and pushed, both physically and spiritually.

Although this was not my first experience with Trek, it was just as powerful. I was just amazed at the peace of mind and stillness of heart that I felt throughout the week. All the thoughts and pressures that constantly attack my mind at home seemed so impossibly far away. This is a week that definitely brings out both the best and worst in me. In ways, I felt I found myself (the "me" God intended) again, and in other ways, I saw so clearly the areas that are still so lacking (patience, generosity, gentleness). But more important was the astounding growth I saw in the kids. Our guides were wonderful and led such thought-provoking devotionals each day and painted such powerful spiritual parallels that I feel really took root not only in my mind, but in the kids' minds as well. Although this can be so physically challenging, the struggle is often much deeper within. I was so proud of the growth I saw in the kids as they stepped up as leaders, looked within themselves, pushed themselves, and encouraged each other all the way to the top and down. I know many were touched in countless ways this week...I was!

Kayaking

Every summer I work at a summer learning/enrichment program in South Dallas called Circle of Support Girl S.M.A.R.T. and Boy S.M.A.R.T. I teach 5th and 6th grade girls Reading and this summer I also taught a writing enrichment class in the afternoons. Circle of Support also partners with lots of other community organizations to bring a wide variety of enrichment opportunities to the kids. One of those partnerships is with the Dallas Arboretum. Every year we take the sixth grade girls to do a week long nature and science camp there. The highlight of the week each year is the day we go kayaking on White Rock Lake. I always think this is such a fun day. Most of the girls are nervous and unwilling beforehand but two minutes on the water and they are loving it. It can be a little challenging for some to figure out the whole "steering" concept but we always make it across the lake and back. We go across one way, stop and eat lunch, then paddle back to where we started. Sometimes I don't even think the girls completely appreciate what they've just done, but I'm always proud of them that they accomplished something I'm pretty sure they've never thought about doing in their lives. Sometimes education is so much more than the academic content we teach in classrooms. Sometimes the best education we can give kids is just new and unique experiences. Experiences that take them outside their "boxes", expose them to new things and activities and people, and help them realize just how much is out there. Experiences that challenge them to stretch themselves and do more than they expect of themselves. Experiences that give them a thirst for learning and trying new things. Even if they never kayak again, I hope that they remember this day the next time they are presented with something new and challenging and feel more confident and eager to dive in and try it.

I personally enjoy kayaking a lot and could probably even enjoy it as a hobby if I had somewhere to store a kayak and some way to haul it around! ;-) Here are some pics of our fun day in the 106 degree heat on White Rock Lake.

Coming Soon....Madison Kate Curtis!

This weekend I went to Sulphur Springs to visit my BFF Rachel (Henderson) Curtis. She and Braughn moved to SS about two years ago and I think I have only visited once! I realize that is pathetic on my part, but I will soon have a reason to visit more often! Braughn and Rachel are expecting their first baby girl within the next month or so and today was their shower at their church. I really enjoyed spending the night, catching up with both the Curtis's and Rachel's parents, and getting excited about Madison! Rachel and Braughn will be amazing parents and I'm thrilled for them.

So stay tuned...hopefully I will have pictures to post of Miss Madison before too long!

Game Night at Janet's

Last weekend, Janet hosted a game night at her house for all the former University of Values teen workers or teens who have been associated with various Central Dallas programs that are now in college. Most of us have not seen in each other in awhile and Janet thought it would be good for the college students to re-connect and have each other to encourage each other and support each other on the mountain to college graduation. I didn't know that there was going to be delicious Mexican food like quesadillas and GUACAMOLE! Janet made some of the best guacamole I have ever had. I could not stop raving about it! :-)

However, while waiting on the others to finish eating, I started reading a book on Janet's shelf called "Tulia." This peaked my interest since Tulia, Texas is in our neck of the woods in the Panhandle. I got sucked into this book and could not put it down all week. It was all about a legal battle that took place back in the late 90's and early 2000's. One spring morning back in 1999, the Swisher County sheriff's office arrested 47 people for selling powder cocaine. Almost all of the arrested were black. The arrests were made on the testimony of an undercover narc. The whole thing was suspicious from the start for several reasons....first of all, the population of Tulia is less than 5,000 people and if 50 people were selling cocaine, who were they selling it to? Secondly, the fact that they did not find any drugs whatsoever in any of the defendent's homes when they were arrested sent up some flags. Thirdly, the fact that mostly African-Americans seemed to be targeted was another concern. Come to find out, the undercover cop had absolutely no evidence other than his word and he had completely fabricated many of his reports. However, the trials that followed were insane and many of those arrested were sentenced for huge amounts of time, even up to 361 years! The book was all about the legal struggle that followed to get these people appeals and a fair and just trial...and believe me, it was a struggle. It was a sobering look into our state's justice system and to many of the prejudices that are still all too real in many parts of our world.

Anyways, here are some pics of the game night, although I was on the couch reading this book and not participating in the fun!

Around Town This Summer...

So I've been meaning to post for awhile about some of the interesting field trips I've been able to go on with the kids this summer at Circle of Support. Most of these were in June, so I'm only a month behind!

One of the first trips we went on was to the House of Blues in downtown Dallas. They did a special presentation for kids on June 19th (Juneteenth) about the history of African-American folk music and art and the impact that blues music has had on many other genres. It was called the "Blues Schoolhouse" and it was very well put together, especially the musical history by the band. It really made me want to go back to the House of Blues for a concert or a meal sometime. Very culturally rich enviroment.

One Wednesday afternoon we loaded up the bus and headed to far west Ft. Worth to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing where our country's currency is printed! Currency is only made in two places in the United States...Ft. Worth and Washington D.C. We had to go through some pretty tight security to enter the facility and then a tour guide walked us through the entire building and showed us all the money in the process of being printed. It was pretty amazing to see literally millions of dollars before your very eyes! The kids weren't too impressed with this field trip, but I thought it was interesting.

Another week we visited the Old Red Museum in downtown Dallas. This is the former Old Red Courthouse that has been recently renovated into a museum about the history of Dallas Co. The girls participated in a program about the history of toys and games and how they've changed over the years and then created their own Mr. Potato Heads out of real potatoes, like the original toys. However, the displays in this museum were great and I could have definitely spent more time perusing them. Now that I've lived in Dallas for awhile, the history is a little more meaningful and fascinating to me. I would definitely recommend this museum to any visiting guests who like this kind of thing!

Then of course we have our regular Friday field trips that are more entertainment based and have inlcuded visits to Incredible Pizza, Amazing Jakes, Hawaiaan Falls, and roller skating so far...I'm not as big a fan of these field trips, but the kids do have fun.

Next week we will be taking the sixth graders to the Dallas Arboretum Camp. I always enjoy this trip every year. They learn a little about nature, make birdhouses, create journals, and also have a kayaking day in which we learn to kayak on White Rock Lake...it was a lot of fun last year, so looking forward to that for the upcoming week, alhtough not eager to be in the 105 degree weather.

I also took a trip to Charlotte, North Carolina over the Fourth of July holiday, so my next post will be "Out of Town This Summer!"

Change Is A'Comin!

Decision making has never been one of my strong points. You see, I hate change but for some reason it's like I'm always putting myself in situations that require change. For me, the actual decision to make the change is the hardest, followed by the transition phase in which I constantly question myself and regret the choice and stress myself out. But typically, once the "deal is sealed" and I'm past the point of no return, I'm fine.

For the past couple of months, I have been grappling with a pretty big decision. I have been at Pearl C. Anderson for three years now...two as a teacher and one as a librarian. From the outside looking in, it seems the librarian posiiton is quite the "cushy" job. No grading, no profiling, no test scores, no parent calls. It was a pretty stress-free year. But all year, something just seemed a little empty. I just wasn't being challenged and I didn't feel like I was making any kind of real difference. No one cared if I came to work and did my job or not. The only kids that I really had any kind of relationship with were kids I had as students...not the incoming sixth graders or kids I didn't already know. Then on top of that, our school is just pretty much a mess as far as the structure and discipline and accountability goes. The kids are out of control all the time. Rigorous, meaningful instruction is rarely seen. However, my frustration is not even really with the kids or even with their parents that send them to school acting that way. My frustration is with my co-workers who refuse to be team-players, who refuse to work together, who refuse to follow any of the initiatives that are put in place in an attempt to build some kind of structure. My frustration is with our administrators who don't hold anyone accountable...teachers or students. I felt myself growing apathetic. I felt myself getting content and comfortable, hiding out in the library from all the frustrating stuff going on in the building. I was distancing myself and daily losing a little more of the drive that used to motivate me. But I wasn't happy because I don't want to live my life at a mediocre level. I don't want to give mediocre effort at whatever is before me. I began to realize that maybe the library was not for me. I began to realize that Pearl C. Anderson might not be the place for me either. On top of that, many of my reasons for being at Pearl C. had transferred away as Turner Courts was torn down, the ASA moved to Roseland, and many of the connections, relationships, and families that I hoped to build with at Pearl C. disappeared. Suddenly, I felt very disconnected within the South Dallas community that used to be rich with partnerships.

So kind of on a whim, I looked up KIPP TRUTH Academy, a charter school that I've known about since they started here in Dallas in 2003. This is a 5-8 grade middle school in Oak Cliff that is part of a national network of KIPP (Knowledge is Power Program) schools. These schools demand high expectations of both students and staff, but have amazing results. I contacted the principal out of curiosity and the ball began rolling. I attended an information session just to observe the school. I saw quiet, orderly classrooms where students were focused and diligently working. Teachers weren't screaming or yelling or talking on cell phones. They were TEACHING! Whoa!! I saw students lined up without a sound in the hallways for dismissal or restroom breaks...each one holding a book and reading silently. It was such a drastic constrast to the Pearl C. environment that I almost couldn't believe that these kids were the same age, same background, same demographic as the students I see every day. When these KIPPsters leave 8th grade, they are getting scholarships to all the best private high schools in the area...some have even been accepted to boarding schools in the northeast. They improve 5-6 grade levels in reading and math within just a year or two at KIPP. I was impressed to say the least. I was invited back for an interview, then an extended observation session, then to teach a sample lesson. Each time the principal was very straightforward about their expectations for both students and staff. He emphasized that it is very hard work and not the place for everyone. The school does have an extended school day (7-5 each day) and two Saturdays a month (8-1) and three extra weeks in the summer. They have a very specific structure and very specific procedures in place for everything from how to pass up papers to how to take a class to the restroom. Some might find this environment too restrictive, but the students seem to have adapted well and the absolute absence of any discipline problems speaks to the effectiveness of having a consistent structure in place that ALL the teachers adhere closely to. Every teacher at KIPP is committed and dedicated to seeing each student succeed no matter what. College is the goal and it is emphasized often. Every second counts is also a heavily-repeated theme. Although I was somewhat intimidated by the intensity, I was also intrigued by the idea of being a part of something that is really making measurable progress with these kids. I was intrigued by the idea of being able to TEACH instead of deal with crazy discipline issues all day every day. I was excited to be a part of a committed and passionate team of people who feel the same way about education that I do.

Well, just as I was getting pretty excited about possibly getting on board at KIPP, I hit a few speed bumps. First, KIPP starts their new school year in June. They promote their students to the next grade and have three weeks of summer school, including two days of "KIPPnotizing" for the incoming fifth graders in which all the procedures and policies are drilled into them. I had already committed to working at Circle of Support for the summer as well as six hours of grad school classes and was quite intimidated by making such a big transition so soon...especially since the only position he still needed to fill was science. Now I've never entertained the thought of teaching science even for even a minute before. Not that I hated science in school, but I didn't just love it either. I've always just naturally been a reading/language arts person. So I wasn't sure how I felt about that. So after much excruciating thought, I told the principal that I just didn't think I could do it because I just didn't feel starting so quickly in June was the right timing for me. However, he then presented another possibility to me. I could teach 7th grade science (which there are only two class sections of 7th graders), I could come two days in June, and then start in August. Now not having to back out on my summer commitments made me feel entirely better about this possibility.

Still, it has been an inner struggle in making this decision. Teaching at KIPP is not for everyone. You're basically committing to at least a 50-60 hour work week, eleven months out of the year. I've wondered if I can fit into the discipline style and structure. I've wondered if I will regret giving up the freedom and flexibility I've had in the library position. On a more minor detail level, I've struggled with not being able to work at Circle of Support next year and not being able to go on Wilderness Trek this August with CDM after all. I've battled myself about teaching 7th grade and about teaching science. At KIPP I most likely will not have a classroom...I will teach in the cafeteria. I'm wondering how that will work for science. There are a million little factors that I have weighed again and again and driven myself crazy with. It's just that there are decisions in the past that I made and now realize I made for the wrong reasons and I don't want this to be one of those situations.

But at the same time, it has been good because it has forced me to look closely at myself, what I'm really about, and how I'm contributing to the things I believe in. I'm realizing that I have allowed myself to become "comfortable" and unchallenged...and a person doesn't grow like that. People around me don't grow like that. The world doesn't change like that. I realized that I have the opportunity to work in an enviroment that will not only challenge me, but hold me accountable. And where I can be a part of changing the trajectory of kids' lives by giving them the quality education that leads to choices and possibilities for their futures.

This past Thursday and Friday I had to attend the first two days of orientation for new 5th graders, called "KIPPnotizing". Let me just say it was intense...and tedious. But what I'm realizing is that the strict discipline and consistent structure completely eliminates so many of the distractions to learning that exist in other schools. Teachers I've always worked with commonly remark, "Well, you just have to choose your battles..." But at KIPP, the structure eliminates all the battles, so all you have to do is teach. It's really a startling contrast to every other school I have ever been in, and I'm really starting to get excited about being a part of it.

You can go to www.kipp.org or www.kipptruth.org (the Dallas school that I will be at) to learn more. I would love to hear what you think!!

"The experience of the race shows that we get our most important education not through books, but through our work. We are developed by our daily task, or else demoralized by it, as by nothing else."- Anna Garlin Spencer