Trust Lessons

2013 has been a tough year for me in many ways.  There have been a lot of personal struggles, changes, and uncertainties that have definitely made this year a painful one but one hopefully of much growth eventually (although sometimes it's hard to see or feel the growth to be honest).  When I look back over everything that has happened this year, it all just comes back to this: do I really trust God?  I mean, really, really trust Him? If 2013 has been about anything at all, I think it's been about God teaching me to truly trust Him and wait on Him to work things together for good in His own way, His own time, and according to His own plan.

On Sunday morning and again last night at Bible study, the preacher has been teaching from Exodus 14-15. This has caused me to go back and re-read the chapters leading up to the Israelites' deliverance from bondage in Egypt and also those following the amazing thing that God did at the Red Sea.  Last night I continued reading into Exodus 16 and although we've read these accounts many times, I don't think it had struck me before just how soon the Israelites lost faith in God.  Just 3 days after they saw Him make a way out of no way...just 3 days after they were trapped by the most powerful army in the civilized world closing in behind them and a gigantic body of water in front of them....just 3 days after they saw that body of water open up and allow them to cross on dry land...just 3 days after witnessing God's unmatchable power... they were thirsty and complaining about a lack of water and back to lacking faith that God would provide.  Just a month later, they were filled with doubt again, complaining and thinking that God was going to leave them to die in the wilderness.  It's easy for us to sit here and think, "What is wrong with these people?? They were privileged to see the power of God in completely miraculous and supernatural ways and they still doubted him??"  Yet one thing that I have realized about myself this year is that many times what God has done for me is just as amazing but my faith isn't much better at times.  God never stopped making provision for the Israelites yet the first moment that a little adversity came their way, they were ready to moan and worry and think that God had forgotten them...they were quick to lose confidence that God was still a good God.  Too many times I'm the same way...God has provided for me all my life...He has never not made a way for me....so why would He stop now?  Why would this time be different?  The past couple of weeks I have been feeling extra blessed...things have fallen into place, situations have been worked out and resolved, and many prayers have been visibly answered in several areas of my life.  So right now it is easy for me to be in awe of God's goodness and praise Him like the Israelites did in Exodus 15.  But our human tendency seems to be to quickly forget these kinds of seasons and in a few days or next month when life throws a crisis or difficulty in our path, we are right back to worrying, being anxious, feeling afraid that this time might be the time it doesn't work out, that this time might be the time that God doesn't come through.  Why do I do that?  Why do I doubt that God has a plan in everything? He has PROMISED to work everything together for good...so why do I think I'm going to be the first person in the history of mankind that He is going to break a promise to?

I saw a quote the other day that said:

We say, 'Show me and I'll trust you.'  God says, 'Trust me and I'll show you.'

When I think back over the past year, I think that's pretty much what it boils down to.  It's just been trust lessons.  It's just been about me learning to trust Him even when I can't see at all what He is up to.  Even when I'm in the desert and I'm tired, hungry, and thirsty and can't see any way at all that I'm going to eat, so to speak...I have to remember that He has ALWAYS provided for me.  Always.  So this time is not going to be any different.  He is not going to stop being Jehovah Jirah.  He is not going to be good to everybody but me, He is not going to leave me out.  Our preacher likes to say, "I just know too much about Him to ever fear or ever doubt Him."  I don't know why I always try to make God give me the proof before I'll trust Him...He has already given all the proof I will ever need a thousand times over.  Now it's just time for me to really, truly, wholeheartedly believe He is who He says He is and remember that what He has done He can and will do again.

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise."

- Hebrews 10:23-