Forgiveness

At church on Sunday, the sermon was centered around the story of Philemon. To be honest, this is not a book in the Bible that I remember studying much or hearing much about, but last weekend I received a hearty meal from this book that I am still chewing on and digesting! It is a story that illustrates the grace that has been given to us by Christ (through the way that Paul was willing to take the debt for Onesimus' sin) and at the same time teaches us about the necessity of forgiveness. It is also is a testimony to the amazing way that God works things together for good. There were so many "aha!" moments and nuggets to process within these few short verses and so many things that I learned that I won't take time to go into, but I do want to share a few thoughts on this elusive, but life changing thing called forgiveness.

Relationships with people are difficult. People can really hurt us, wrong us, mistreat us, do us dirty. Sometimes we dwell so much on the flaws and shortcomings and sins of the difficult people in our lives and we think only of what they should do or change or what they owe us to make their wrong right. However, what I saw in this lesson about Philemon today was how God works through that to give us an opportunity to look within and grow ourselves, change ourselves. How crazy was it that Onesimus ended up in prison in Rome with Paul of all people...Paul who just happened to know his master Philemon? God worked it out so that not only did Onesimus have the chance to be forgiven and become a Christian, but at the same time he worked it out to give Philemon the opportunity to grow his character and demonstrate the same forgiveness and grace that had been given to him. There was a "reason for the season" in the time that Onesimus ran away from Philemon. Yes, he did wrong, but God picked up the mess and worked it for good to not only give Onesimus the opportunity to be saved but to give Philemon an opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness and grace on a whole new level. Every time someone in our life wrongs us or mistreats us...we have a choice. We can either get angry, hurt, upset, vindictive....or we can look within ourselves and ask...what am I supposed to learn about myself through this situation...what area of my own character can I develop through this situation...how can I show the same grace, forgiveness, and unmerited favor that has been shown to me? Forgiveness is such a beautiful, powerful thing....it just amazes me more the older I get and the more life I experience. We can't change people. We can't change the things that happen to us. We can't stop people from hurting us, disappointing us, or doing us wrong. But we can change how we respond to it. We can change whether we allow other people's issues to hold us back from growing our own character. Unforgiveness can be such a stronghold in people's lives...a cancer. I've seen it. We can allow the wrong that someone else did to give birth to wrong in our own hearts and lives. We can allow it to change us from being "full of love and faithfulness" (as Paul noted Philemon for) to someone else that's bitter or grudge-holding...but we have to remember that's not who we are....not really. It was like Paul started off his letter to Philemon with some gentle affirmations to remind him that he was a loving and faithful person...it's like he was reminding him that it's not "him" to be unforgiving or vindictive...and to not let his anger or disappointment toward Onesimus take that away from him. I'm reminded of a couple of quotes that I've heard before that have stayed with me. The first one is "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you." Another one is "Unforgiveness is like allowing someone who has hurt you to live rent-free in your mind." The more I think about it, I think almost everything that happens in life comes back to this theme of forgiveness....of forgiving others so that we might be forgiven, and also that we might grow more into who we are meant to be. The preacher asked how many of us could afford not to be forgiven. No hands went up. Then he asked how many of us then could afford not to forgive others. Though a simple question, it was a profound and powerful moment. Whatever measure we use with others will be used on us....and goodness knows, I need forgiveness and a lot of it. So who am I not to extend the same grace to others, no matter what they have done or how deep the hurt?

I read such an amazing story in People magazine earlier this month. There was a woman whose teenage son was murdered by another young man in the midst of some kind of dispute. The young man was soon convicted and sentenced to quite a lengthy time in prison. But the grieving mother reached out to the young man who had killed her only son in prison with forgiveness and over time, the two ended up building a very special relationship. Now many years have gone by and the man has been released from prison, but he lives with the woman and has become like an adopted son to her. I was just amazed by that story. Now that is forgiveness and grace.

On that note, I encourage you to take a fresh look at the book of Philemon. It is such a short book that it may often be overlooked but there are some truly powerful lessons to be learned there. What is the meaning of life? I'm starting to think just maybe the meaning of life is forgiveness....what about you?