Decision making has never been one of my strong points. You see, I hate change but for some reason it's like I'm always putting myself in situations that require change. For me, the actual decision to make the change is the hardest, followed by the transition phase in which I constantly question myself and regret the choice and stress myself out. But typically, once the "deal is sealed" and I'm past the point of no return, I'm fine.
For the past couple of months, I have been grappling with a pretty big decision. I have been at Pearl C. Anderson for three years now...two as a teacher and one as a librarian. From the outside looking in, it seems the librarian posiiton is quite the "cushy" job. No grading, no profiling, no test scores, no parent calls. It was a pretty stress-free year. But all year, something just seemed a little empty. I just wasn't being challenged and I didn't feel like I was making any kind of real difference. No one cared if I came to work and did my job or not. The only kids that I really had any kind of relationship with were kids I had as students...not the incoming sixth graders or kids I didn't already know. Then on top of that, our school is just pretty much a mess as far as the structure and discipline and accountability goes. The kids are out of control all the time. Rigorous, meaningful instruction is rarely seen. However, my frustration is not even really with the kids or even with their parents that send them to school acting that way. My frustration is with my co-workers who refuse to be team-players, who refuse to work together, who refuse to follow any of the initiatives that are put in place in an attempt to build some kind of structure. My frustration is with our administrators who don't hold anyone accountable...teachers or students. I felt myself growing apathetic. I felt myself getting content and comfortable, hiding out in the library from all the frustrating stuff going on in the building. I was distancing myself and daily losing a little more of the drive that used to motivate me. But I wasn't happy because I don't want to live my life at a mediocre level. I don't want to give mediocre effort at whatever is before me. I began to realize that maybe the library was not for me. I began to realize that Pearl C. Anderson might not be the place for me either. On top of that, many of my reasons for being at Pearl C. had transferred away as Turner Courts was torn down, the ASA moved to Roseland, and many of the connections, relationships, and families that I hoped to build with at Pearl C. disappeared. Suddenly, I felt very disconnected within the South Dallas community that used to be rich with partnerships.
So kind of on a whim, I looked up KIPP TRUTH Academy, a charter school that I've known about since they started here in Dallas in 2003. This is a 5-8 grade middle school in Oak Cliff that is part of a national network of KIPP (Knowledge is Power Program) schools. These schools demand high expectations of both students and staff, but have amazing results. I contacted the principal out of curiosity and the ball began rolling. I attended an information session just to observe the school. I saw quiet, orderly classrooms where students were focused and diligently working. Teachers weren't screaming or yelling or talking on cell phones. They were TEACHING! Whoa!! I saw students lined up without a sound in the hallways for dismissal or restroom breaks...each one holding a book and reading silently. It was such a drastic constrast to the Pearl C. environment that I almost couldn't believe that these kids were the same age, same background, same demographic as the students I see every day. When these KIPPsters leave 8th grade, they are getting scholarships to all the best private high schools in the area...some have even been accepted to boarding schools in the northeast. They improve 5-6 grade levels in reading and math within just a year or two at KIPP. I was impressed to say the least. I was invited back for an interview, then an extended observation session, then to teach a sample lesson. Each time the principal was very straightforward about their expectations for both students and staff. He emphasized that it is very hard work and not the place for everyone. The school does have an extended school day (7-5 each day) and two Saturdays a month (8-1) and three extra weeks in the summer. They have a very specific structure and very specific procedures in place for everything from how to pass up papers to how to take a class to the restroom. Some might find this environment too restrictive, but the students seem to have adapted well and the absolute absence of any discipline problems speaks to the effectiveness of having a consistent structure in place that ALL the teachers adhere closely to. Every teacher at KIPP is committed and dedicated to seeing each student succeed no matter what. College is the goal and it is emphasized often. Every second counts is also a heavily-repeated theme. Although I was somewhat intimidated by the intensity, I was also intrigued by the idea of being a part of something that is really making measurable progress with these kids. I was intrigued by the idea of being able to TEACH instead of deal with crazy discipline issues all day every day. I was excited to be a part of a committed and passionate team of people who feel the same way about education that I do.
Well, just as I was getting pretty excited about possibly getting on board at KIPP, I hit a few speed bumps. First, KIPP starts their new school year in June. They promote their students to the next grade and have three weeks of summer school, including two days of "KIPPnotizing" for the incoming fifth graders in which all the procedures and policies are drilled into them. I had already committed to working at Circle of Support for the summer as well as six hours of grad school classes and was quite intimidated by making such a big transition so soon...especially since the only position he still needed to fill was science. Now I've never entertained the thought of teaching science even for even a minute before. Not that I hated science in school, but I didn't just love it either. I've always just naturally been a reading/language arts person. So I wasn't sure how I felt about that. So after much excruciating thought, I told the principal that I just didn't think I could do it because I just didn't feel starting so quickly in June was the right timing for me. However, he then presented another possibility to me. I could teach 7th grade science (which there are only two class sections of 7th graders), I could come two days in June, and then start in August. Now not having to back out on my summer commitments made me feel entirely better about this possibility.
Still, it has been an inner struggle in making this decision. Teaching at KIPP is not for everyone. You're basically committing to at least a 50-60 hour work week, eleven months out of the year. I've wondered if I can fit into the discipline style and structure. I've wondered if I will regret giving up the freedom and flexibility I've had in the library position. On a more minor detail level, I've struggled with not being able to work at Circle of Support next year and not being able to go on Wilderness Trek this August with CDM after all. I've battled myself about teaching 7th grade and about teaching science. At KIPP I most likely will not have a classroom...I will teach in the cafeteria. I'm wondering how that will work for science. There are a million little factors that I have weighed again and again and driven myself crazy with. It's just that there are decisions in the past that I made and now realize I made for the wrong reasons and I don't want this to be one of those situations.
But at the same time, it has been good because it has forced me to look closely at myself, what I'm really about, and how I'm contributing to the things I believe in. I'm realizing that I have allowed myself to become "comfortable" and unchallenged...and a person doesn't grow like that. People around me don't grow like that. The world doesn't change like that. I realized that I have the opportunity to work in an enviroment that will not only challenge me, but hold me accountable. And where I can be a part of changing the trajectory of kids' lives by giving them the quality education that leads to choices and possibilities for their futures.
This past Thursday and Friday I had to attend the first two days of orientation for new 5th graders, called "KIPPnotizing". Let me just say it was intense...and tedious. But what I'm realizing is that the strict discipline and consistent structure completely eliminates so many of the distractions to learning that exist in other schools. Teachers I've always worked with commonly remark, "Well, you just have to choose your battles..." But at KIPP, the structure eliminates all the battles, so all you have to do is teach. It's really a startling contrast to every other school I have ever been in, and I'm really starting to get excited about being a part of it.
You can go to www.kipp.org or www.kipptruth.org (the Dallas school that I will be at) to learn more. I would love to hear what you think!!
"The experience of the race shows that we get our most important education not through books, but through our work. We are developed by our daily task, or else demoralized by it, as by nothing else."- Anna Garlin Spencer
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